**Full Disclosure: This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own.
According to a national survey by the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, more than 90 percent of people think it’s important to talk about their loved ones’ and their own wishes for end-of-life care, but fewer than 30 percent of people have actually had the conversation. Sometimes it’s because people don’t know how to start the conversation with their loved ones. Others simply haven’t gotten around to taking the necessary steps to formalize what they want.
I am not at all surprised that 90% of people think it’s important to talk about what they want in their final stage of life. What astounds me is that less than 30% of people make a point to communicate their wishes.
Because my parents’ life experiences, they have already planned and paid for their funeral services. My mom knows what my dad’s end-of-life choices are and vice versa. But I haven’t taken the time to talk about what their health care wishes are. My husband and I have not taken the time to have a conversation about our end-of-life health care wishes, either. It doesn’t matter how uncomfortable the topic makes me, I need to make it a priority.
Steps to plan for {important} end-of-life health care decisions:
- Think about what’s important – What are your greatest fears, hopes and goals? What do you most care about? Most people can be effectively treated for pain, but how much do you want to be at home; or avoid being on a breathing machine; or being dependent in a nursing home? How sure are you of your choices? Do you want your chosen proxy to have leeway to change your decisions? Discuss these topics with your loved ones to reach a shared understanding of your desires.
- Be informed – You can find valuable resources to help you and your loved ones make decisions more manageable at www.prepareforyourcare.org, theconversationproject.org and agingwithdignity.org.
- Start the conversation – Honest communication can help families avoid the stress of guessing what a family member would want. You may find that you and your loved ones may see some things differently. That’s okay. It is most important that your loved ones know how you want to be treated and are willing to respect your wishes. Decide who you prefer to make decisions on your behalf in case you are unable to express your choice.
- Make it official – Once you’ve had the conversation, it is essential to formalize your decisions by putting them in writing. Complete an advance directive. Special medical orders can be developed with your doctors to represent your care decisions for providers. Finally, assigning a health care proxy or agent identifies the person you trust to act on your behalf if you are unable to make decisions or communicate your wishes. Be sure to share your documents with your providers and your proxy, and to have copies available in case they are needed.
Strategizing for end-of-life health care wishes isn’t something that will happen overnight. Take your time and update your plan as needed.
Dr. James Mittelberger, the Executive Director and Chief Medical Officer of Optum’s Center for Palliative and Supportive Care, has seen firsthand the sense of peace, calm and satisfaction families experience when they are talking about what is important and knowing their loved ones wishes are or will be followed.
Hubby and I keep meaning to make our end-of-life plans official but we haven’t yet. We’ve discussed what we want but nothing is legal yet. We need to get things in writing before it’s too late!
This is more important than most of us realize. It was brought home to us last week when visiting my mother-in-law in the hospital, where she was experiencing kidney failure. She was ready to go, and told me she did not want any more medications, no resuscitation, no other means of keeping her alive. Her doctor came in with a nurse to draw blood. I asked why they were still doing testing when they knew she had complete kidney failure. He told us “Because she does not have a “Do Not Resuscitate” order in her medical records. My M-I-L told him right then that she did not want to be resuscitated, did not want any more medications or tests, she just wanted to go. The doctor IMMEDIATELY added that statement to her records, and all treatments stopped right then, They gave her a really strong pain med via a patch, and she drifted off to sleep. That was exactly what she wanted and needed right then.
If you don’t have your wishes known, do it right now. Talk to your husband, your grown children, maybe even your friends, to get the information out there. Write it down, and if you are at a place where you are ready to pass on to the other side, put it in writing and make dang sure the doctor and the hospital staff know your wishes.