One Year Ago …

One year ago …

One year ago today, my husbands phone rang.  He had the look on his face.  I thought I knew what he was about to say.  Instead, he told me to put my computer down, and he just held me.  I kept asking, “who” … And when those words slipped from his mouth, my world stopped.  It crashed around me.

One year ago today, my husband said “your Uncle Jim”
One year ago today, my heart stopped beating in my chest and my body went numb.
One year ago today, I screamed in agony as I tried to grasp what I’d just heard.
One year ago today, I was in so much pain that I couldn’t tell my kids what I was feeling or why.  I just held my confused babies in my arms.

After a few hours, I sat James down and told him what I knew … Jim had died, probably of a heat attack.  We sat and bawled together.  Colin just hugged us.  He was too young to understand that just a month before, we’d seen Jim … Played in his pool and with his balloon swords.

I walked around in a zombie-like state for days after that.  I couldn’t come to terms with the information.  It was too much to process.

There were many days I felt like he was playing some kind of cruel practical joke.  I feel like calling his phone just to hear his voice.  But he wasn’t and I can’t.

I try find comfort in knowing that he is in a better place, that it wad his time to go, but on days like today, that’s a hard pill to swallow.

Jim was a Shrine Clown and he LOVED it!

Part of what he did as a Shrine clown was to dress up like Santa and visit kids in the hospital.  He dressed up every year (for as far back as I can remember) and would deliver packages at my Grandma’s house.

In this picture, he is holding his GrandDogs (Isabella and Berkley).

I love you, Jim.  I miss you every day.